i watch you go down, down, down.

‘you’re going down, down’.

Okay; you are seriously honestly taking this obsession with people YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN MET too far.

I understand that they’re from bands and you like their songs, and some of the things they have said ARE inspirational, but they ARE CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE.

You want to break up with your boyfriend because some chick you will never meet said life’s too short to –yadda yadda ya.

you said; and i quote:

“my dreams are getting stranger, the people who i thought were the most important in my life are now blurry and in the background, yet total strangers are my best friends, and people i know in my heart i will never meet are my closest and most trusted friends and allies.
it bugs me. i have so much to be happy for, but i couldn't give a crap.
someone could call me, and tell me my boyfriend, or my best friend had died, and i would just go on, as if nothing had happened.
yes, that makes me sound cold and like a terrible person, but i have learnt something.
that when you are alone, create something beautiful with the time you have, instead of moping about what isn't there.”

you wouldn’t care if your boyfriend died? or your best friend?

because people with feelings would fucking sob if someone that close to them died.

“i am trying to change, and i would say the person that has inspired me to change is Sammi Doll.”

well it’s not working. you ARE changing, but into something WORSE. you are surrounding yourself around this girl. you are trying to live liker her, trying to BE her.

and i don’t like that you’re trying to break up with Liam.

there’s no reason for it. AT ALL.

you’re just breaking up with him because you have fantasy romances in your head with people you will NEVER meet.

Those things in you’re head; they AREN’T real.

liam, is real. you’re FRIENDS are real, but instead you’re wasting your time away stalking people you don’t know.

Sammi Doll said to live life?

and here you are wasting it away.

have fun with that.

and your ‘fanfic’ about that band; yeah?

i dont like my character.

i mean, do you honestly see me running around fucking screaming happily about watching THE PRINCESS DIARIES FOR GOD SAKE.

you’ve made your character a Mary –Sue. she’s oh-so perfect.

gets all the guys she wants

has the best looks

parties without getting sick.

and here i am

acting like a fucking princess.

thats not me.

you know it isn’t.

grow up.

so go on scream, scream at me. i’m so far away. i won’t be broken away. i’ve got to breathe, i can’t keep going under.

listening to ipod on shuffle. old songs, that i adore with all my life, ones that got me through so much, and i haven’t listened to in forever. ♥

so i know this is interrupting the 30 day challenge, but i don’t care. i feel like blogging.

so, tomorrow is Australia Day.

and you know.. since I live in Australia and everything, it’s a big day.

i’m going to be spending it with my family, somewhere up in the bay. we’re going to find a nice spot and just go for a swim, and fish and just you know, chillax, then watch some fireworks. i like going into town for Australia day though. it’s just so fun.

there’s always people everywhere, just having fun. dressed in the Australian flag or green and gold, dressed crazily, face paint, big hats, wigs, everything. drinking and playing in parks, at the beach, having barbeques. it’s just one big party. there are quite a few people who get drunk, but most of the stuff they do is just harmless fun.

30 Day Challenge – Day 4. ♥

Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail.

Mmkay, here we go:

Breakfast at around 11:45 am:

Food: 2 pieces of Wholemeal bread (toast) with just Nutella on them.

Drink: 1 glass of breakfast juice.

Lunch at around 2:00 pm:

Food: 1 small square of homemade cheese and onion pizza, 4 snow peas, 4 pieces of carrot, 2 pieces of cucumber, 2 pieces of Fetta cheese.

Drink: 1 glass of coke.

Snacks before Dinner:

1 Chocolate coated Ice-cream. A few small chocolate flavoured ‘organic’ animal biscuits. 1 Chocolate and berry biscuit.

Dinner at around 7:00 pm.

Food: A few homemade wedges, and a piece of fish. 1 piece of wholemeal bread.

Drink: 1 glass of coke.

And that’s it.

I felt funny doing this.

Not a good feeling.

I’ve seen too many documentaries and stuff on eating disorders and people keeping lists like these. :/

30 Day Challenge – Day 3. ♥

Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail.

Okay, I’ll start with my mum;

We fight. A lot. But we do still love each other and have our moments. Sure we argue about silly things, but we’re mother and daughter. That’s what we do. I’m constantly told that I look so much like her, to the point where it’s just annoying. I was her first born, ( I have an older half sister ). She wanted to call me Luca if I was a boy. We like watching Doctor Who together. When we fight, we scream and yell, and it’s crazy. She’s not a good sport when playing games like UNO and will throw her cards around if she loses. But she’s awesome so yeah. She works as a Union Organiser; she goes around to pubs & clubs and makes sure people are getting payed properly and stuff like that. She used to work at a Club for 15 years before her new job.

My dad;

I get along with him better. We have the same wicked, sometimes nasty, sometimes sick sense of humour. He’ll tell a joke, and only him and I will laugh at it. There are times when my mum will say something and we’ll just look at each other with that look, and know exactly what each other are thinking. He doesn’t have a job at the moment – he’s a stay at home Dad, looks after us while my mum works. He does most of the cooking and stuff, but we do have our moments.

I don’t know what else to type for them.

Describing parents in great detail is hard.

:/

Yeah.

30 Day Challenge – Day 2. ♥

Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail.

Oh wow. I’m not sure where to start.

Well, I met him at School. At first, I was just friends with him. I knew him through a friend and yeah. We talked a few times every now and then, and I remember I yelled at him joking around because he cut his hair, but that was about all the interaction we had with each other until about term 3.

So I found out later on that he used to like me in term three. And maybe earlier, I’m not sure. But yeah. I started liking him in Term four and then after awhile I guess I gave up hope, and started liking his friend, again.

Then I got his MSN, and everything changed.

I still have some of our conversations saved. We just talked about everything. He became that person that would make me smile when I was sick. When I didn’t feel like smiling. The one I could tell anything. And I did. I told him who I like, and he told me who he liked. We both liked different people at the time.

We played the game Truth one of the first big conversations we had. That’s when I found out he used to like me. Here’s exactly what was said:

RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN says:
hav u ever like me reuben calum or christian
xTessa;; says:
Yep, two out of those four
how many people have you liked since you started San Clemente?
RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN says:
um
lik
3
or
4
xTessa;; says:
k
RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN says:
who did u like outof me rueben callum and chritian
christian
xTessa;; says:
CRAP....
Christian and..you.....
FORGET I EVER SAID THAT.
RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN says:
lol
2 late
xTessa;; says:
:/
MOVING ON./
name those 3 or 4 people you liked.
RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN says:
um
jacque
um
xTessa;; says:
um's a nice name.
RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN says:
u
and
cant rememba

And yes, that was our conversation. Then I started talking to his friend Lachlan through him, and my bestfriend and I made skype accounts and talked to them while we were at each other’s houses, and just had big funny conversations with them, and slowly, but surely I started liking him again.

And I told him. Eventually. He asked me who i liked, and I made him guess, and he guessed so many people, and eventually guessed himself and I said yeah. It was awkward a little, but we got over it and started talking to each other normally, the day after.

By then Shannon & I would spend every second night talking to him and Lachlan on skype and MSN. And then, on the last day of school (Which neither of us went to) in the afternoon, he told me he liked me. And then left. He told me just quickly, before he went to Lachlan’s graduation. I completely freaked out, like one would.

I told Shannon, and yeah. I stayed up the night, nervously waiting for him to come back from Lachlan’s graduation. And then he did. I wanted to ask him out, but I was so scared. Scared of rejection, just scared in general. He’d be my first boyfriend. And I was nervous. So Shannon dropped a few hints to him, ‘You should ask Tessa out’ and stuff, but he didn’t bite. So eventually, I pulled myself together, took a deep breath…………… and got Shannon to ask him out for me ;).

He took a long time to answer. I started getting worried. What if he didn’t want to go out with me? But later I found out he was just ringing Lachlan. ;) He said yes, in a conversation with me and Lachlan, and at first I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me, it seemed too good to be true.

The first night was awkward, but then the next few days we talked like usual, and I was happy. Happier than I’d ever been in a long time.

We’re still together.

It’s been over a month now, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

I remember, I freaked out at the fireworks, because both the Local ones, and the Sydney Harbour Bridge ones had love hearts in them and it was the first time I’d seen love heart fireworks, and me being me, took it as a sign, because it was a new year, and the first year I’d ever begun not being single.

I do love him.

Ryan <3 14.12.10.

30 Day Challenge – Day 1. ♥

Day 01 – Introduce yourself.

Now this has to possible be the WORST way to start, in the existence of starting things.

I can’t introduce myself.

I don’t know what to write about me.

I don’t even know who I am.

But I’ll try.

Tessa Mae.

I live for my friends, music and writing.

I hate the word perfect.

Without music I wouldn’t be alive.

I could find over one thousand sings that relate to me. Lyrics that apply to me so well it’s almost scary.

But we’ll stick with five, mmkay?

1. "I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do." - The Reason; Hoobastank.

2. "Look here she comes now, bow down and star in wonder. Oh how we love you. No flaws when you're pretending." - Everybody's Fool; Evanescence

3."All day, staring at the ceiling, making friends with shadows on my wall. All night, hearing voices telling me, that I should get some sleep, because tomorrow might be good for something" - Unwell; Matchbox 20.

4."All these words they make no sense. I found bliss in ignorance. Less I hear, the less you say. You'll find that out anyway" - One Step Closer; Linkin Park.

5. “Is there any wonder, or point to what I do? I’m skin and bones forever and it’s beating me black and blue.” –Fifty500; Gyroscope.

And that’s me. In a nutshell.

That strange little writer girl, with dreams far too big for herself.

30 Day Challenge. ♥ ♥

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favourite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favourite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favourite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail.

You’ll show them one day, you are not the same. You won’t be the last one anymore.

Lachlan;

get the hell off my blog.

fuckinnng stalker dude you are.

;)

oh

while you’re here;

 

 

you’re welcome./

and make the most out of life, now don't you take it for granted.

Shannon's tonight. ♥
She truly is my best friend in the entire world.
She is amazing, and gorgeous and everything.
:)
Shannon, I love you, you are beautiful and amazing and my everything.
Best friends, are forever.
♥